You Fake Orgasms with Me? | {THE AND} Marcela & Rock



Being Honest About Your Orgasms Could Be the Key to a Better Relationship

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“Women looking for a lasting, committed relationship likely have a ballpark idea of their ideal level of emotional intimacy,”  , certified sex therapist and owner of , tells WomensHealthMag.com. “Having honest conversations about sexual needs as early as are relevant can bring wonderful insights about shared relationship values like honesty, [and] the ability to be receptive to feedback and prioritize the wellbeing of someone else over your own ego."

Those types of shared values are strong indicators of whether a relationship is going to work in the long-term. Talking about sex and your own orgasms creates a perfect opportunity to start figuring out whether a romance is going to be sustainable, and to start setting up the building blocks of trust and love.

The Problem with Faking It
“There are many reasons women avoid uncomfortable conversations and fake an orgasm,” says Bennion. “[But] if intimacy and shared-pleasure are desired values within the relationship, maintaining this avoidance pattern can come at a multitude of costs.”

Those costs can include not only sexual dissatisfaction, Bennion says, but also long-term resentment, feelings of betrayal or embarrassment if and when the truth comes out, and, perhaps most importantly, “countless missed opportunities for deepened emotional and physical intimacy.”

"If intimacy and shared-pleasure are desired values within the relationship, maintaining this avoidance pattern can come at a multitude of costs."

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As Darcy Sterling, Ph.D. (who teaches relationship skills to celebrities on the E! showFamously Single) tells Womenshealthmag.com, “If you can't express your needs in the bedroom, my bet is that you have difficulty expressing them outside the bedroom. It's the same emotional muscle." Sterling goes on to explain that learning to be comfortable telling your partner how you need them to pleasure you is especially difficult for women, because we're trained to be polite and make sure everyone around us is satisfied—even if it means sacrificing our satisfaction in return. 

RELATED: 8 Sex Therapists Share Their #1 Tips for Clients Who Struggle to Orgasm

Who's Faking It The Most?
Women aren’t the only ones who can succumb to pressure to fake it, though—men fake orgasms, too (Though it’s worth noting that the “orgasm gap” is still very real). One recent study found that 50 percent of men ages 18 to 29 had faked an orgasm at least once in a short four-month period, for many of the same reasons women do. Straight women, that is.

"If you can't express your needs in the bedroom, my bet is that you have difficulty expressing them outside the bedroom."

Queer, gay, and bisexual women handle their orgasms a little differently. Studies have shown that lesbian and bisexual women in same-sex relationships have more orgasms than their straight counterparts and are less likely to fake orgasms. According to Sterling, the explanation for this is likely a fairly obvious one. “I think women are more clear about how to make a woman orgasm,” she says. Sterling also notes that women may be more willing than men to receive guidance from their partners.

RELATED: What Does It Mean if Your Partner Chooses Porn Over Sex with You?

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Ultimately, this all comes down to the ways in which men and women have been socialized to interact, and to build expectations around sex. While women generally learn that we must be polite and accommodating, men learn that they must be assertive and dominant. Pop culture suggests that men are sexually voracious and always ready to go at a moment’s notice, while women are supposed to be the chaste gatekeepers to men’s sexuality. And mainstream, straight porn suggests that it’s normal (and desirable) for all of us to prioritize a man’s sexual pleasure over a woman’s.

"I think women are more clear about how to make a woman orgasm."

Being Honest About Your Orgasms
So, how do we get past these arbitrary gender roles, which are often harmful for men, women, and the relationships we share? We have a long way to go, but orgasm honesty is a great start.

“If a woman feels she may be slipping into a pattern of faking orgasms, it's great to begin asking some questions,” Bennion says. “Here are a few she could consider: What is getting in the way of being honest about my sexual needs? What am I avoiding? How does my partner respond to my desires in other areas of our relationship?”

RELATED: What It's Like to Attend a Sexual Wellness Retreat

Bennion also pointed out that even if the process of figuring out how to have real orgams with a partner feels awkward at times (you’ll likely have to spend a lot of time figuring out what doesn’t work to get to what does), the learning process will ultimately bring you closer together.

“Partners can learn to embrace sexual similarities and differences as an adventure to be enjoyed together,” she says.






Video: What does it feel like when you orgasm?

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Date: 11.12.2018, 14:34 / Views: 65453