Caring for a man's health: a necessity or a mistake?
Once she was diagnosed with breast cancer. When the surgeon reported a bad diagnosis and recommended immediately to go to a consultation with an oncologist, she waved it off: they say, I do not have time to do my husband's health. The months went by. The woman grew thin and grew pale. Every month I saw her at the reception - with the problems of her husband, of course. She did not find time for herself. And six months later she died.
I remember this story every time I see another "Decembrist" with my husband at the reception, who does not need anything from doctors. These couples are very typical, where a woman decides that her duty is to sacrifice herself.
I do not know why such ladies are called real war friends and loving wives, they are praised for clever strategies of luring a stupid animal, that is, sorry, men, in the health care network. From the peasant we do not expect much: they say, he does not drink from the toilet, tablets that his wife puts in his mouth every day, swallows - what's more? A normal family!
Such a scenario is, of course, abusive and unfair to a woman.And this is not the only problem. If a man is not an innocent kid or does not suffer from dementia, pushing responsibility for his health onto his wife’s shoulders is doomed to failure, and here's why.
A man is not motivated to be treated
Motivation is a great thing that causes the body to gather in a heap. If the patient is not set up to defeat his illness, be it banal gastritis or terrible cancer, the chances of mobilizing all the resources are sharply reduced. The prefrontal cortex of the brain does not develop a plan to save the body. Mind succumbs.
And there is a quiet sabotage of medical recommendations. The required diet is not kept. Not performed physiotherapy. Cigarettes are smoked one after another. The disease stands still, and nothing can be done about it, because a man with an illness, as it were, is at the same time, and together they are a force.
The man does not understand what is happening
To defeat the disease, you need to be clear about what we are fighting. It is sad to chew lettuce, because the wife has stopped buying sausage and chocolates, it seems meaningless personal violence. While the same lettuce leaf in a patient who is aware of the benefits of the Mediterranean diet turns almost into sybaritism.The boring greens can be supplemented with olive oil, tomatoes and a handful of pine nuts - it will be tasty and in a gourmet style! This instantly changes the picture of the patient's life, when he independently comes to the idea that what is useful can be tasty. Yes, and proven helps to reduce the risks of stroke and heart attack. So, the disease has no chance: the war with the disease no longer takes away strength due to the infinite restrictions, but on the contrary, it gives energy due to small pleasures.
A man gets used to being helpless
Learned helplessness is a phenomenon that was discovered in animal experiments. They were placed in a prolonged traumatic situation, and at some point the poor beasts left forever attempts to resist fate. The feeling of “I am in control of my life” is one of those that needs to be experienced daily if you want to keep your psyche healthy. Otherwise, it is likely to slip into black melancholy. What happens to an adult capable patient who voluntarily gives responsibility for his health into women's hands, and then finds himself trapped in apathy and indecision, unable to regain the joy of making decisions on his own.
Many patients with intellectual disabilities, loss of memory and attention come to me accompanied by anxious wives. While the disease has just begun its destructive business, a man can independently serve himself in everyday life, sign up for a doctor and take medicines according to a scheme written by a doctor and pasted on the refrigerator. Maybe, but does not want to, because in our country this is not accepted.
The sad result is this: as long as a woman patiently bears the burden of care for two, her dear husband degrades twice as fast. “Lack of progress - regression” - this ancient Latin saying very accurately describes the structure of our brain
The less we make decisions, the fewer we take steps, the faster neural connections in the brain fade away and atrophy develops - a decrease in the volume of brain tissue.
I think in pairs where the rescuer stubbornly imposes medical services on her “unintelligent” partner, there is more than the banal lack of awareness of the latter in matters of health. I suppose this is a passive aggression on the part of a man, a desire “to spite his mother to freeze his ears”, to make a silent rebellion, an unsuccessful attempt to assert himself through complete indifference to himself and his wife’s feelings.And this unconscious scenario leads to a drama for both partners - I, alas, have not seen anything else.
What to do if a man is stubborn as a ram and is categorically against diagnosing suspicious moles, taking tests and reducing the number of cigarettes smoked? The answer is simple: do not do anything. Leave the poor man alone. Understanding that adherence to the treatment of a person who can not tolerate treatment is practically zero, enlightens well.
There is a chance that as soon as the brain of a man stops gently, but regularly pecks out requests to drink a pill and go to the doctor, the patient will first sigh with relief and then listen to himself. And it is very likely that he will feel this wonderful feeling: "I am an adult and I am responsible for myself." Then the relationship with his wife will be different. Because adults are used to taking care not only of themselves, but also of their loved ones. And it will not be surprising that the recent pair of “sick and rescuer” will suddenly turn into a pair of adequate adults who care for each other tenderly.
Although the scenario in which a man continues to ignore problems with his own health is not excluded, in spite of the fact that the wife no longer saws.Traditional Russian education in the style of "men do not cry and do not feel pain" makes itself felt. It is difficult to affect this without the participation of a specialist, and here you will probably need a lot of unconditional love and a bit of professional psychological help.
How to find a hamster
Fashionable and comfortable winter boots: shoes for all (12 photos)
Asterisk ointment can be even more effective if you know about these things
How to quit work
Quail with grapes
Why see a cat in a dream