Don't Breathe (2016) - The Turkey Baster Scene (8/10) | Movieclips
Get out the turkey baster!
I'm not surprised that my Hunky Husband and I are using modern
technology to try to get pregnant. We found each other through modern
technology, after all—through an online dating service—and see how well that turned out?
Since we've been having well-timed sex for 10 months with no luck,
Dr. D, our reproductive endocrinologist (or R.E. for short—so we could
call him Dr. DRE), suggested that we try I.U.I.—intra-uterine
insemination, also known in some circles as "the turkey baster." I
started off the month by taking Clomid, a drug that stimulates
ovulation. At first I didn't understand why, if I already ovulate
normally, I needed to stimulate ovulation. Dr. D explained that Clomid
can help you produce more eggs for the sperm to seek out (hence the 6 -
10% rate of twins while taking Clomid) and give you a better quality
eggs. I took 100 mgs of Clomid on Days 3 - 7 (fyi, Day 1 is the day you
get your period) and went in on Day 10 to have my hormones monitored
(through blood samples) and check out the progress of my eggs.
On Day 10, I called Hunky in a panic. He was out of town, visiting
his grandmother for her birthday, and I suddenly remembered that I was
supposed to put him on an ejaculation schedule. For reals. For the
I.U.I, you don't want old sperm that's been sitting around too long,
but you want at least two days build-up so you've got enough stuff. I
called early in the morning and got his voicemail: "Hi, honey, it's me.
Listen, I know you're with your family and you're probably not feeling
frisky right now, but can you please do me a favor and rub one out
today? You need to have fresh sperm for the I.U.I. this week." I
pictured the poor boy sneaking off in the middle of his grandmother's
birthday party for a few minutes alone in the bathroom. He's such a
Day 10 for me entailed one of the coolest parts in the process so
far: egg-monitoring. With your feet in the stirrups, a sonogram—a.k.a.
the Dildo Cam—is inserted all up in there to see your eggs up close and
personal. Eggs don't actually look like much; they look like little
black holes, actually, like this:
And they're not even eggs, really. They're follicles that hold eggs.
And when you're ready to ovulate, the follicles burst and release the
eggs. So we looked at my almost-eggs and determined that there were
about five contenders for ovulation. Dude, I don't want quintuplets!
Turns out that wasn't going to be an issue: By Day 11, one egg had
pulled into the lead and on Day 12, the other eggs were way behind the
one, robust egg. They decided to "trigger," which means that they gave
me a shot in the ass of the HCG hormone that triggers ovulation. Day
13—they day I typically ovulated each month—was going to be
Home from grandma's, Hunky showed up at the doctor's office to
supply his sample. He was pretty psyched about this and wondered aloud
about what it was going to be like: what literature they might provide;
the extent of the film library, etc. As it turns out, the room had
exactly one chair, one movie, and one set of wireless headphones. So
much for the porn smorgasboard my husband had imagined.
I showed up about an hour and a half later to pick up the sample.
The nice lady in a lab coat handed it over with some paperwork and said
approvingly, "Good sample!" Oh, I was so proud. The funny thing is that
the sample itself is pink. Pink! They spin the semen so that you've
just got concentrated sperm and put it in a pink aqueous solution. Then
the physician's assistant takes the pink stuff, draws it into a
catheter, inserts it alllllll the way up into the uterus, and releases
the hounds! That way they're much closer to the goal line. The whole
process took about three minutes. It was a little crampy, but really,
And now, we wait.
Video: Woman Uses Turkey Baster To Get Pregnant | Jeremy Kyle
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