How to Get Your Ex To Forgive You
How to Get a Guy to Forgive You (for Girls)
Apologizing can be hard, especially if you've done something you really regret. Nonetheless, if you're in a relationship with a guy, you can do some things to help him to forgive you. One of the main things, of course, is offering him a sincere apology.
Facing What You Did
Admit it to yourself.When you do something wrong, you first have to admit it to yourself. It's human nature to want to make it better in your mind by coming up with excuses, explaining away what you did. However, if you're going to ask someone to forgive you, you need to first admit to yourself that what you did was wrong and not try to explain it away.
Step away from your emotion.That is, step away from any emotion that is going to make you want to offer excuses. If you were angry when you did what you did, you'll likely want to offer that as an excuse. However, you can't truly apologize until you accept sole responsibility for what you did. It's his job to accept any responsibility he played in the scene.
Write out what you want to say ahead of time.You shouldn't read your apology to your guy. However, writing out what you want to say can make it easier to stop yourself from explaining your actions or excusing yourself. Focus on taking responsibility and making amends.
Talking With Your Guy
Don't put it off.It's in most people's nature to put off things they don't want to do. However, you should apologize sooner rather than later. If you wait, your guy is only going to get angrier or more hurt.
Pick a good time.Don't try to apologize when your guy is sitting down to a football game or reading a good book. Choose a time when he's not distracted by something else, and ask if you can talk. If he already knows what you've done, he probably can guess what the conversation will be about. If you need to confess, it might not be as easy for him to guess.
Show regret.That means that you convey with your tone and attitude that you are sincerely sorry for what you did. Don't try to laugh it away, or play it off with a joke. Look him in the eye, and with a serious tone, say you're sorry.
- For instance, you could say, "I'm truly, truly sorry about what I did."
Take responsibility.Also, you need to accept that what you did was wrong in the presence of your guy. That means naming what you did wrong to acknowledge that you know what you did.
- As an example, you could say, "I know that when I made a joke at your expense I hurt your feelings. I should've thought before I spoke. I know you're sensitive about that issue."
Talk about how you could do better.Finally, you have to acknowledge how you could do better in the future. This part is how you start to make the situation better. You can't take back what you did, but you can talk about how you intend to change your behavior in the future.
- As the end of the apology, you could say, "Next time, I'll try to bite my tongue before I speak. You deserve better from me. I love and respect you, and I want to show you that with my actions."
Let him respond.If this conversation is the first he's heard about it, he's probably going to be angry. Let him give voice to his anger, but don't try to offer a defense. He needs a chance to talk about it. Even if he did know about what you're apologizing about, he still needs a chance to talk about what he's feeling and why. Give him an opportunity to speak about why what you did hurt him.
- You can give him a space to talk by saying, "How do you feel about what I've said?"
Acknowledge his feelings.Finally, show that you understand what he's feeling. Show you are listening and that you understand why he's upset.
- One way you can show you're listening is by repeating back what he's said. That is, you can say, "What I hear you saying is that me making jokes like that makes you feel belittled and disrespected. I totally understand that, and you are totally valid in feeling that way."
Give your guy space.Sometimes, when someone is really hurt or angry, he just needs some time to process what's happened. He might want to take a few days or even a week to think about what you've done, and that's okay. He needs that time to get in the right head space.
Don't argue the point.If you are trying to get someone to forgive you, you can't argue your way to that end. In other words, once you've said you're sorry, leave the discussion alone. You are not going to convince him by arguing that you are in the right.
Surprise him with something he loves.If you feel like you need to do something to show you're sorry, surprise him. You can bake cookies or get him a present that you know will mean something to him. Doing something thoughtful can show you still care.
Realize everyone makes mistakes.You need your guy to forgive you, of course, to move on in the relationship. However, you also need to forgive yourself. Everyone does bad things sometimes, and in the grand scheme of things, what you did was probably not that bad. Even if it was, you still shouldn't blame yourself forever. Give yourself permission to stop feeling bad about it.
- That doesn't mean you should completely forget about it. You should definitely use what you've learned to do better in the future.
Understand that he doesn't have to forgive you.As much as you'd like to make it true, no one has an obligation to forgive someone else. It may be that you just have to learn from this mistake and move on with someone else.
QuestionHow do I get my boyfriend to forgive me after I neglected him?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf there was a reason for your neglect (you were busy, distracted, etc.), let him know, while still apologizing and making sure he knows you're not trying to make excuses. Then promise that it won't happen again, and that you'll be more attentive in the future.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I get my boyfriend to talk to me after a fight?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou have to first give him space. Hopefully he'll come around. After he has had some time, talk about where you guys stand. Revisit your argument, but not in an accusing way, to see if you can mend things.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I get my boyfriend to forgive me when I don't do cute couple stuff with him?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTo begin with, sit down with him and straightforwardly explain why you don't do whatever "cute couple stuff" your boyfriend is disappointed over. Clarify to him that you don’t want to entirely refuse to do it but simply need the relationship to graduate before you can do it comfortably.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I not be nervous to apologize to him?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt's okay to be a little nervous. Just remember that it will be over quickly. Be direct, say you're sorry for what you did, and hopefully everyone can just move on.Thanks!
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QuestionHow do I say sorry when I'm pregnant, and the guy doesn't want the baby?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerWho is it that you're apologizing to? Unless you intentionally got pregnant without the guy's consent, he's the one who should be apologizing to you for not taking responsibility for a child who is half his.Thanks!
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- If you're worried that you'll cry when you apologize, don't be. It just shows you're truly sorry.
- Make sure you give him space before you ask him to forgive you. If you don't, he won't have had any time to think.
Sources and Citations
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