I STOLE MY BEST FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND
How to Get Your Best Friend's Boyfriend to Like You
You and your best friend are as close as you can be, until they get a boyfriend. All of a sudden, it feels like they never have time for you. You may be jealous of their boyfriend monopolizing all their time, but deep down, you know he makes them happy. If you still want to hang out with your best friend, you’d better learn how to get along with their boyfriend, too.
Showing Him You Like Him so He’ll Like You
Smile.He’ll likely be nervous about making a good impression with his significant other’s best friend. Put his mind at ease by flashing a big smile when you meet him. A genuine smile is perceived as a sign that you like someone and want to be friends with them.
- In a genuine smile, the corners of the mouth are pulled upward and the muscles around the eyes contract. Make sure your smile looks welcoming and real.
- Don't give him a flirty smile, or you'll risk offending your friend. In a flirty smile, the head is slightly tilted and the eyes are peeking upward at a person.
Say his name.Everyone likes the sound of their own name. Try to say his name about 3 times during your conversation. Don’t be obvious about it, just look for places where you can say it naturally. If his name is John, you might say things like:
- “It’s so nice to finally meet you, John, I’ve heard so much about you.”
- “John, I heard you took my friend camping last week, how was that?”
- “I’m really glad that you make my friend so happy, John.”
Make eye contact.Show him that you’re interested in getting to know him by making easy eye contact with him. Your eyes communicate even more to people about the way you feel than your words do. If you can't make eye contact with your friend's boyfriend, it will be almost impossible to build a real friendship with him.
- Try to make eye contact 50 percent of the time while you're speaking to someone and 70 percent of the time while you're listening to them. If you lock eyes more than that, you'll appear creepy or aggressive.
- You should maintain eye contact for at least 4 to 5 seconds at a time. If your eyes jump around too often in a conversation, you'll appear nervous, which can make people uncomfortable.
- Don't look down. Looking down communicates a lack of confidence. When you look away from the person you're talking to, look to the side instead.
Speak in an animated tone of voice.Show that you’re happy to meet him by giving your voice an energetic inflection. People like people who speak with enthusiasm. They come off as fun and exciting. If you speak in a boring, monotone voice, he won’t believe that you enjoy talking to him.
- Speaking with enthusiasm can take some effort if you're not used to it. Practice speaking in an energetic voice in the mirror a few times before trying it out on people. After you get it down, you may find that simply acting excited can give you natural energy to help you actually feel that way.
- Speaking enthusiastically can be contagious. You'll be surprised to see how often your electric energy is returned to you. You'll have fun talking to people and they'll have fun talking to you.
Encourage him to talk about himself.Everyone loves to talk about themselves. It stimulates the same pleasure center in the brain as eating food and winning money.Ask him questions that lead him to tell you what’s going on in his life. Ask questions like:
- “What do you do for work?”
- “What are some of your favorite hobbies?”
- “What kind of music do you like?”
Remember things about him.Every time you see him, try to bring up topics you’ve discussed with him previously. He’ll be flattered that you care enough to remember what he’s been up to.Try saying things like:
- “Last time we spoke, you were working on that project for work, how did it turn out?”
- “Are you still enjoying volunteering at the animal shelter?”
- “Your car looks really nice. I see you got those new rims you were talking about.”
Showing Him You’re Not a Threat
Give them couple space.Relationships need intimacy to be able to grow. Give your friend and their boyfriend some time to enjoy each other’s company alone. Don’t try to jam yourself between them. They may start to resent you if you’re around all the time.
- Don’t make it awkward. If you sense that they’d like to spend some time alone, find a way to excuse yourself.
- Don’t invite yourself to go out with them. If they want you to join in their plans, they’ll ask you to.
Be careful what you tell your friend.Don’t talk bad to your friend about their boyfriend. Anything you say will likely to get back to him, and he’ll feel betrayed by your comments.If you’re nice to him in person but you talk about him behind his back, he’ll think you’re two-faced and won’t want to be around you.
- When your friend vents to you about their boyfriend, don’t take it as an opportunity to air your own grievances about him. For example, they might say something like "He has no fashion sense." Even if you agree, don't speak up. They might tell him what you said during an argument and he could take it personally.
- Be a good friend. The only time it's okay talk negatively about your friend's boyfriend to them is if you see him acting abusive or disrespectful to them. Make sure to show compassion without being judgmental. Say something like "I respect you and your relationship, but I really don't think the way he treats you is okay. I'm here for you if you ever need support."
- Don’t tell your friend anything you don’t want their boyfriend to know. They might be tempted to share your secrets with him.
- Conversely, don’t tell your friend’s boyfriend anything about your friend behind your friend’s back. While this might help you feel closer to your friend’s boyfriend, it is disrespectful to your friend and puts the boyfriend in an awkward position
Know your boundaries.Don’t get too close to your friend’s boyfriend. While you want to be friendly with him, you don’t want to cross the line. Never contact or spend time with him without your friend’s knowledge.He’ll think you want more from him than just friendship or that you’re trying to test his loyalty. If he tells your friend, you could lose them completely.
- The only time it’s acceptable to call him secretly is if you’re planning something like a surprise party for your friend.
- Don’t comment excessively on his pictures or send him messages on social media.
- Don’t ask him to go hang out without your friend.
Mind your business.There are certain things about your friend’s relationship that are none of your concern. Resist the urge to learn all the juicy details. Don’t ask questions that could make them feel uncomfortable or cause a rift to form in their relationship. Try not to say things like:
- “The two of you have been together awhile, when are you getting married?”
- “Which one of you makes more money?”
- “Do you both want kids in the future?”
Changing your Perspective
Realize you’re gaining a friend.Don’t think of your friend’s boyfriend as someone who’s trying to steal them away. Rather, think of him as a new addition to your circle of friends. He’ll feel more comfortable around you if you welcome him into your group.
- Get excited to learn more about someone who is important to your friend.
- Think about what qualities he has that are fun to be around.
- You may feel sometimes feel like a "third wheel" when you're out with the 2 of them. Realize that he might feel like an outsider being around 2 best friends. Instead of worrying about being left out, try to find ways to make him feel included in your friendship.
Be happy for your friend.If you care about your friend, you should be glad that they have a guy in their life who makes them happy. Just because they have a boyfriend whom they like doesn’t mean that they like you any less. If he's a good guy, he’ll respect you when he sees that you have your friend’s best interests at heart.
- Stop thinking about yourself and think about what’s best for your friend.
- Understand that romance is a part of growing up and your friend needs to experience relationships in order to grow as a person. However, they still need their best friend.
- See their relationship as a chance for you to strengthen your friendship. If you're supportive of your friend through their relationship, the bond between the 2 of you could grow more powerful.
Get a date with one of his friends, if you’re interested.Ask him if he has any single friends.You just may hit it off with one of them. This may be an opportunity for you to find your own significant other. Your friend’s boyfriend will be excited to bring his buddy along to meet you.
- If you like a particular one of his friends you can say something like, "Your friend is really cute. You should ask him to come along the next time we all hang out."
- You can go on fun double dates.
- Don’t be pushy. Don’t ask him about his friends too often.
Learn to be more independent.Friends are important, but you should still have your own life away from them. Rather than worrying that your friend won’t be around as much, take some time to focus on doing some things that you enjoy. Your friend’s boyfriend will like that you have your own interests and that you aren’t completely dependent on other people.
- Try out some new hobbies like painting, writing, playing sports or anything else you might find interesting.
- You might even have time to make more friends and make your social circle larger.
- If you're around someone too often, your personal identity can get tied up with them. It can be exciting to find out who you are and what you enjoy apart from your friend.
QuestionMy best friend's boyfriend is really mean to everyone and is a player. I don't want her getting hurt. How do I change her mind?
Licensed Professional CounselorLicensed Professional CounselorExpert AnswerThanks!
QuestionMy friend and I go to different schools, and I don't know how to get to know her boyfriend. What can I do? He doesn't know anything about me.
Licensed Professional CounselorLicensed Professional CounselorExpert AnswerIn that case, leave it up to your friend to arrange a time when you can meet him. Express interest in her relationship and introduce the idea of getting together. Let your friend know that because she is important to you and you care about her that you’d like to get to know the boyfriend who makes her happy.Thanks!
QuestionWhat if your best friend's boyfriend is your ex and you want him back?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTake some time to reflect on the relationship. There might be a good reason things didn't work out with him in the first place. After that, decide if getting your ex back is worth losing your friend. If it is, be honest with both of them and give him the space to decide if he feels the same way.Thanks!
QuestionI am friends with my best friend's boyfriend, but I want a romantic relationship with him. What can I do to make that happen?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf you act on your attraction to your friend's boyfriend, you'll likely lose you friend. Decide if being with him is important enough to risk your friendship. If it is, be honest with both of them. You can't force him to leave her, but you can let him know how you feel. Your friend will feel betrayed but she'll never trust you again if you try to go behind her back to steal him.Thanks!
QuestionWhat do you do if you already know your friend's boyfriend?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou should still try to be friends with him. It may be even easier because you already feel comfortable with him.Thanks!
- Try to make your friend’s boyfriend feel welcome when he’s around you.
- Initiate conversation with your friend’s boyfriend. He may be nervous to talk to you.
- Make eye contact when talking to him so he knows that you are listening to him.
- Don’t alienate your friend’s boyfriend by telling too many inside jokes.
- Always speak up if you think your friend’s relationship is unhealthy or dangerous.
- Don’t try to make your friend choose between you and their boyfriend.
Video: LYRIC PRANK ON BESTFRIEND'S BOYFRIEND GOES WRONG??
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