Personal experience: how I survived IVF and got pregnant

Not all mothers decide to tell that their child was born as a result of artificial insemination. But this woman decided not to hide even the most unsightly truth.

When we planned the material and were looking for the main character, we suddenly ran into a problem. Women who survived IVF or refused to talk about it, fearing that their child would be considered "abnormal" or "artificial"; or even concealed the fact of this medical manipulation.

“How did you know that I have IVF? Yes ... I did it, and this is the secret of our family, because children should be conceived naturally, and not in a test tube ... I did it in a test tube, but I don’t want to talk about it and I won’t ”, one of the women answered to which we turned.

When the editorial board almost despaired of hearing a frank story, we met Olesya at one of the forums. Now she is the wife and happy mother of a three-year-old Sonya, and in the past, a grieved womanthe doctors put several mutually exclusive gynecological diagnoses at once and tactfully asked to forget about the opportunity to have a baby in a natural way.

ECO: personal experience, real story
In her youth, Olesya categorically did not want to have children and was even afraid of it.
Photo: Getty Images

“I will tell the truth because I do not consider IVF something shameful. However, I also want to say that this is not a simple, ordinary operation, because it requires tremendous preparation from a woman, both moral and physical. Who knows, maybe my story will help someone in the difficult moment of decision making. I really hope so. ”

Since childhood, Olesya grew up in a large family. She was the eldest of five children, so from an early age she often replaced babies with her mother: she fed, washed, cleaned, played. By the age of 17, in her own opinion, she managed to be so busy that she didn’t even allow herself to have children.

“I wanted to live for myself, relax, just sleep! And still clean the apartment to a sterile state and no longer sweep for someone crumbs and bits. Or not to divide one apple into several people, but to enjoy it alone.I am ashamed to admit, but I really dreamed about it! And categorically refused to have children. At some stage I even thought of tying up the pipes, but, fortunately, a friend dissuaded in time from this terrible act. However, I think the doctors would never have agreed, ”Olesya recalls.

How to determine pregnancy
For many, the desire to become pregnant becomes impossible
Photo: Getty Images

After school, she entered the technical school, graduated with honors, got a good job, met Oleg. She left home, lived first in a dormitory, and then in a rented apartment. Over the years, the first good money appeared, but there is no desire to have a child.

“It was amazing for me when Oleg spoke of the children. First jokingly, then more insistently. In response, I offered to go to my parents and “live in a large family so that desire would stop.” He was seriously offended. Then we had a fight for the first time. Oleg even left, slamming the door and calling me selfish, ”Olesya continues.

To calm down and relax, the 24-year-old girl herself decided to visit her relatives. I bought a train ticket and went to my native village. She had not been here for a long time - all these years she had only called up with her mother and sisters, therefore she was literally from the threshold.

“When I entered the house, I even caught my breath,” recalls our heroine.- First of all, all my brothers and sisters grew up and now were adult independent people. Someone will say that this is not surprising, since five years have already passed, but for some reason I sincerely believed that time in my native walls was “frozen”. The second shock was that perfect cleanliness reigned in the rooms (no crumbs and bits, which were so annoying before). And thirdly, six native people were sincerely happy about my visit here! This feeling does not describe. You are loved not for success, achievement or good performance, but simply because you are! And then I suddenly sharply realized that I really want a child, but rather two. Well, or just five, as it was in our family, - smiles Olesya. - I thought everything would be easy and fast. Naive! I could not even imagine that it would be not just difficult for me to get pregnant, but impossible. ”

Olesya immediately called Oleg and spoke honestly about her rebirth. She admitted that she was bored, that she was ready to change her life, and most importantly, that she really wanted a child. The guy was happy and offered to come urgently in order “not to postpone it for long”, but Olesya laughed and said that “they will have time already”.

“And then ... Then there was something that I would like to squander in my memory. The next six years have been a nightmare for us. When it didn’t happen to get pregnant the first time, we laughed that “we tried hard”, when it didn’t happen at the tenth, we began to change poses, calculate ovulation (both with the help of special tests and ultrasound), go to doctors, take endless analyzes and literally collect diagnoses. I was given obstruction of the tubes (questionable), endometriosis, impaired ovulation, and even insufficient development of the female genital organs. Each new doctor refuted the previous diagnoses. Finally, everyone agreed that infertility is of "unclear etiology." So supposedly every tenth pair. But I knew that it was a punishment for my bad thoughts about not having children. ”

How to get pregnant
Photo: Getty Images

They offered to make IVF to the couple almost immediately after it turned out that it would be unlikely that Olesya could get pregnant on her own. But, according to the girl, it was even harder for her to make a decision about artificial insemination than to accept her diagnosis. All the same prejudices hindered: what if the child is not like the others, what if the husband leaves because it is impossible to get pregnant like ordinary people, and suddenly, what if suddenly and suddenly ...

“And when I had already decided morally, the doctor issued a list of mandatory tests before IVF, and my tantrum began with a new force. It seemed that all the manipulations ever invented by doctors had to be handed over: from ultrasound and laparoscopy to blood tests, smears, fluorography, colposcopy and cardiogram. And this is not counting the mandatory consultations of other doctors. And I was advised to lose some weight. Instead of switching to proper nutrition, I just stopped eating. Became irritable and suspicious. She arranged scandals for no reason and literally with maniacal obsession watched Oleg: did he pass the tests, did he not drink alcohol? Did you quit smoking? We constantly swore, and then I sobbed inconsolably. As a result, the doctor, seeing such a state, said sternly: “Darling! Or you take yourself in hand, or about any IVF is out of the question! The child needs calm and adequate parents, and if you cannot already control yourself now, what will happen after the birth? "This moment was the second turning point in life, which literally sobered and made me look at myself and my behavior differently."

Joint childbirth
It is important that during the IVF the future mother must be supported by her husband.
Photo: Getty Images

... The IVF procedure was scheduled for the middle of the week, and Olesya and Oleg stayed at home all the weekend before. Most of the time they were just silent, turning over pages on the Internet. Only a couple of years later, when everything was left behind, they confessed to each other that both of them were then looking online for an answer to the question of what the statistics of successful IVF were from the first time.

“Before, I did not specifically read it. Literally imposed a ban. Because the numbers were scary. And although the doctor immediately said that no one gives any guarantees, I was still shocked by the fact that “if a couple cannot get pregnant before IVF for three years, the chances of conceiving are about 30%. If the experience of infertility is 3–6 years, the probability decreases to 27%, and after 6 years of infertility immediately to 24%. ”To be honest, for myself I already decided that I would go for a second attempt (as if automatically sweeping aside the probability of success from the first ), and if it does not work, I will look for a baby in an orphanage. ”

The procedure of IVF Olesya describes dry. In fact, in three phrases: “not the most pleasant sensations”, “then it is terrible to move, because you think that you will break everything” and “there is nothing worse than waiting”.

He was lucky with Oleg.The pregnancy came from the first time, and although complications arose in the process (the blood sugar suddenly increased, the urine tests were bad), all this faded before the main event - they would be parents.

“Now our daughter is growing, and we are happy about that. Banal words, but the way it is. We will not go to the second IVF (it is no longer recommended, including for medical reasons), but we literally suffered from the first IVF. And it’s good that we were able to survive it, without parting with each other and not losing faith in ourselves and the capabilities of modern doctors. But this is so important! - Oleg smiles, who came to the very end of the conversation. Before that, he was very busy playing on the court with Sonya. ”

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