Phrases that are easy to destroy any relationship
Many couples pursue the same problem: they love each other, they seem to be good together, but they absolutely do not know how to communicate with each other and resolve conflicts of interests peacefully. Due to the lack of effective communication, living together becomes unbearable, and any problem comes to hysterics with all the ensuing phrases like “You are nothing!” Or “Who will look at this (such) as you?”. How to learn not to bring either yourself or your partner to the humiliating verbal skirmish? Take the rule to replace the "toxic" phrases and phrases, even if they "signed up for the subcortex" from childhood, to respectful and disarming.
Instead of "You did not do it again ..." we say: "It seems that someone does not fulfill the promises ..."
In the first case, your words look like a guilty verdict, and the words "again", "again", "as always" only weight the design, making the person feel like a schoolboy in the corner, who once again was guilty.Think about it, because if the situation is not so tragic, why not remind the person of his forgetfulness in the form of a joke and suggest that the next time you set yourself an alarm in the phone.
Instead of “Well, I knew so”, we say: “Next time we will not do that”
Do not take on the functions of the world lord, who always knows how to do better, when and in what form. You are also capable of making mistakes, not having time or forgetting, and completely without malicious intent. Instead of "poking" a person into failure, share it with him and promise that next time you will take part in the decision.
Instead of “How could you do this ?!” we say: “What made you do this?”
In these expressions, intonation is more important than the construction of the phrase itself, but the general meaning of the advice is: the less rhetorical questions you ask in response to the problem situation that has occurred, the less dramatic it will look for you and for your partner.
Instead of “I don’t want to discuss it anymore,” we say: “Let's return to this conversation later”
Imagine that there are only two ways out of the conflict: either you come to some kind of mutual compromise solution, or you allow yourself to “discharge” and, in order not to heat up the passions, postpone the conversation for later.But in this case, to discharge - it does not at all mean to be offended, snort and turn your back to the person, without uttering a word in the evening. "Torture by silence" is by no means the best educational measure, and instead of smoothing the conflict, on the contrary, it freaks up and confuses the partner.
Instead of “Look at yourself ...” we’re better off!
Extremely popular in family quarrels type of attack - bold and abrupt transition to the individual. We suggest that the conflict began even because of a trifle, but in order to offend a person, the opponent, following the logic of school bullying, goes on to strike at the partner’s weaknesses or his distinctive features - this can be a nationality or a person’s structure, heredity or complexes. Make it a rule in quarrels to never "get personal", demeaning the dignity of a partner, because this is the first step towards distrust - you share your personality with you, and you used this knowledge to spite the person.
Instead of “It’s impossible for someone like you,” we say: “I believe in you, you will achieve your goal.”
A common communicative mistake that comes from our education: boys are usually encouraged to provoke in the face of problems or dangers so that they can prove the opposite and show masculinity.Unfortunately, such "red rags" appear in conversation and in adult life, when we seem to be acting on the side of our partner, but we do not express confidence in his forces, we are distancing ourselves from support, as if we do not care, and he is like a man and so can.
Instead of “You never do anything,” we say: “I really need your help.”
Another dubious method of interacting with a person that we borrow from school: shame so that he never does something again. In the first place should be the accusation with the words "never", "forever", "as always", and then comes the action with denial. Try to change the approach and transfer the same action as participation in the process without a negative particle. Compare: “You are not doing anything around the house!” And “I will need your help tonight to ...” Imagine a person a task without emotions and quibbles, specifically explaining what, when and how you want him to.
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