"The moment is missed!": As a rule, the 3rd date failed

And deprived of sex, a decent man and a spark in his eyes.

He was too smart to be so charming. People of his profession and level of intelligence are usually introverted to the bone, it’s difficult for them to communicate, much less make a perfect first impression. This symbiosis of qualities is so rare that the names of such people are known to all. Well delivered speech and posture. Human warmth, emotional intelligence and magnetism, which knocks down. Magnetism, by the way, it turns on and off at the click of a finger, depending on the circumstances. If the conversation is serious, people are around and you need to “keep your face”, then you are calm and comfortable with him, as with an old friend. But if you are alone and he is set to reduce the distance, so furious sexual impulse flies in your direction that there is no chance of salvation.

Columnist and editor of the section "He and She" on Wday.ru.
Anna Tok

I? What about me? Anna Tok didn’t write for so long that she’d probably already been reborn.So hello, my new reader. Let's get acquainted. I have always called myself an ordinary and average woman, but I am beginning to realize that “normality” is now in price. I understand people, smartly understand women and know how to listen. My chief editor took me to work because of mine, a quote: "rich life experience." But I think that my experience is very modest, I just can share it without hesitation and superfluous words. It was and was there. For two years I was in mourning for love. At the beginning, I sublimated all my pain into the text, so the articles on “How to cure a broken heart” and “How to forget the former in 10 days” were my main selling product. I wrote a lot to think less and get through it all faster. Fuse and passion enough for a year. And then everything. Emptiness. No pain, no experience, no ability to feel. Nothing. Emptiness. That's how I stopped writing and started reading others. Through force and cramps in the fingers I am writing now. Because there is something to say. Do not even say, but run up, shake you by the shoulders, that you have the strength and shout to your face: “I know how it feels to you! I know what you have to find out! Listen to me! ”

On the first date we talked for 3 hours in a row.With awkward questions, but without awkward pauses. It was important, necessary and long-awaited his every word, I wanted to tell him everything that I know myself. We were so different that we were able to interest each other. We were so alike that we could easily understand each other. I always wondered how the process of convergence. Here you just talked about the movie with a stranger, but now you kiss a very dear one. I wanted to feel this moment this time, but it did not work out again.

Photo: Getty Images

I did not ask anything. He took the floor and carefully told about why I, why we and what he is. Then he stopped me and dramatically pulled me to him. “Do you want to hug me?” - I mumbled in dismay. "No". And kissed. Exactly a moment I allowed myself to be myself. Exactly a moment my lips gave in and became one with him. Exactly a moment before the prejudices, fears and admonition of "knowledgeable" people came: "Not now."

He did not wait for three days. He did not wait a minute. He wrote immediately.

- Show me what you write. It is very interesting to me.

- Not now.

- Let's go have breakfast, I pass by.

- Not now.

On the second date, he was noticeably and irrevocably different.Suspended and closed. A glass of wine and a cozy atmosphere talked us, but not so. The moment of unity was missed. Everything has its time and “our time” is already “not now”. It was then. In that beautiful park and in a bold rush, but ... "not now."

He was tired of speaking, snapped his fingers, and his magnetism, not subject to all the elements, entered into full force. Energy intensity could be cut like butter with a hot knife. I was waiting for this. Finally. Here it is. The present. Genuine. So natural. Living The present. Like the first time and like the last.

- Will you come to me?

- Not now.

Photo: Getty Images

Why, you ask, but he did not ask either. I dont know. Because fears, doubts, prejudices. Because good, but not a damn people understand that it is impossible. With three dates at least. That the longer “not now” the better. Who is better?

It is better when everything happens naturally, easily and simply. When not to think, but to feel.

Only you two in the whole Universe and in the whole space of variants know when it is better. Sex on the third date? Really? People can live all their lives and go on hundreds of dates, but never feel what happened a second ago between you.He can live with you for 10 years in marriage, but not wanting to know what you are laughing at and that can bring you joy. He can tolerate your manipulation of sex at least 10 dates, but rejoice only in the reward for waiting and forget your name in the process. It is not the timing that is important, but the emotional connection and the inner feeling of the kinship of souls, which cannot be confused with anything. All this does not appear only because you had an N-th number of meetings. All this will not disappear after physical proximity.

Men, especially smart ones (I don’t know which gods to thank, but thanks, universal thanks to the creators for smart men), very clearly trace the line between real unwillingness to engage in intimacy and an attempt to artificially postpone this moment in desire to manipulate and seize power. So smart women never choose the second option. They clearly understand their desires, feelings, emotions. And blindly follow them. I acted like a fool.

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