What is a pupil syndrome?
The best student of the class, winner of Olympiads and various competitions, this child has time to literally everything, and, therefore, is a real pride of both teachers and parents, but is everything so simple? You must be surprised, but being an excellent or an excellent student is not always good, and sometimes even destructive for the child himself, but how can this be? What's wrong with striving to be an excellent student, the best in everything?
The main problem lies in the fact that it is impossible to be perfect in everything, the simultaneous execution of several cases, no matter how much we want, still leads to a decrease in productivity, a person gradually exhales, invented ideals tear him to pieces, and too high standards cause panic attacks fear and social instability.
Everyone has their own ideals
Such people who strive to do everything perfectly, and they even do it quite well for a while, are called perfectionists, and their trait is perfectionism.
Interestingly, this is not the innate quality of a person, it is instilled from childhood or adolescence, most often, by the closest people, namely, parents.How do they become perfectionists?
Often, everything begins precisely with school and first assessments, as a confirmation of academic achievement, the syndrome of an honors pupil in his child can be recognized already in primary school, and, since at this age it is the girls who are the most diligent and diligent, they manage more, and, therefore, are more fair talk about the excellent student syndrome.
Each child, and, subsequently, and an adult, in his head is drawn his own concept of peace and ideals, which, for some reason, should be achieved. Moreover, each person has his own personal idea of himself, as a person, his ideal “I”.
The main problem of perfectionists is that they feel the difference between "I" ideal and "I" real, which do not correspond to each other, and, therefore, there is an internal conflict.
The result of such internal conflicts is disharmony and imbalance within oneself, which results in problems at work, difficulties in personal life and even health problems on the nerves. To understand how to get rid of the syndrome of excellence, you need to understand the causes of its occurrence.
All life is a complete exam.
From a very young age, a child is firmly attached to his family, he requires care and attention, love and affection, but some, especially authoritarian parents, for some reason, build their relationship with the child in such a way that he still has to earn all these benefits.
Since childhood, they impose on the child the opinion that praise, affectionate word and attention from parents can be obtained only after a “good mark”, “winning the contest” and so on. A kind of conditional love, in which the child over the years develops the view that only his high successes can draw the attention of parents in his direction.
And if in elementary school it is good to learn and everything is in time - quite simple, then, over time, the system will become more complex, which means that the child gradually begins to strive for the incomprehensible.
What hurts such upbringing? Over time, the constantly dominant parental voice turns into its own, children begin to put forward too high demands on themselves, which are not always able to fulfill.
The children's rule that has been deposited in the head from the earliest years, “do it perfectly well and only after that get praise,” oddly enough, can play a cruel joke in adulthood.
For example, the former high school student, trying to follow the stereotype of an ideal wife, tries to do everything in the world: build a career, do everything in housekeeping (tasty meals, cleanliness and order), as well as not forget about children and her beloved husband. The problem is that not every partner will assess this as something extraordinary, but rather will take it for granted, as a result of which the ground for conflict arises.
The situation is aggravated when all the efforts for the good of the family (in work, in school) do not bring any emotional satisfaction, and are performed only to follow artificial stereotypes.
A child who was still not given in his childhood to understand that he is loved not at all for his fives and victories, but just so, inevitably faces the problem of low self-esteem. To an adult person who has cultivated such complexes in himself, it is hard to believe that he can be loved just like that, for his personal qualities and individuality, and not at all for the perfect soup or high salary.
The main problem perfectionists lies not only in the invalidity of the parents, but also in the inability to recognize their own merits.People with the syndrome of excellence, trying to do any work on the "5", can not get rid of doubts about the quality of the work performed.
And so all my life, which turns into a constant race for non-existent realities. Adults who constantly live with the motto “I can do everything, because to be the best is the goal of all life,” often come to loneliness. They lose friends, because finding people who would meet the high demands of a perfectionist is not so easy, they cannot build a personal life, because they require too much from their partner.
And the constant desire to do everything, even the most insignificant, only perfectly, leads to the inability to relax and enjoy life.
Nerve overvoltages and frustrations become constant companions of such women and men, still, because ideal results are not so easy to always keep up to date, every time the level of complexity increases. Did you dream of such a life?
How to get rid of a syndrome excellent?
Experts offer several psychological techniques that help both adults and children.Remember, if your child is confronted with something similar, then only you can help him, because his future reactions to his own successes and failures will depend on your love and support.
- Learn how to divide cases according to their degree of importance. Tomorrow is an important exam? Prepare for it carefully, but secondary matters such as cleaning, going to the grocery store and even preparing for a less important subject can be postponed for the next time. And it is absolutely not scary if you get 4 on it! Learn to excrete what is important in your life.
- Do not forget to relax. Without rest in life, nowhere, so do not forget to set aside adequate time for sleep, as well as to communicate with friends, do not forget about the time during which you will not think about things and concerns.
- Praise yourself. And not for good grades or for a brilliantly executed annual report, but for their merits, which are in no way connected with success.
- Believe that relationships with loved ones can be maintained even if you have failed to meet their expectations, although sometimes it is a very difficult task, especially for children and adolescents.
Finally I would like to note that in harmonious families,where a good-natured and respectful atmosphere is observed, and the voice of every family member is necessarily heeded, such problems never arise.
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