What should be the punishment for the child?
When we become parents, then we face a difficult task - the education of our beloved crumbs. We all want to grow from it a good, kind and honest person. But how to do that? Many of us have no idea about this. We love our baby very much and we want to pamper him in every way, encourage all his endeavors and praise for any reason.
But not only praise plays a very important role in raising a child, but also punishment. After all, there are no children who would obey their parents in absolutely everything. Growing up, the child begins to check the limits of what is permitted, and if simple explanations and persuasion do not work on him, then sooner or later you will have to punish him.
Otherwise, he will grow up as a capricious and selfish person who will think that everything is possible for him. When raising children without punishment just can not do. After all, it is with his help that you can show the child the difference between good and bad, and also teach him to bear responsibility for his actions.
And if we don’t have any questions about how to praise a child, many parents often act randomly on the subject of punishment, succumbing to emotions. And they achieve the absolutely opposite result - the child stops their obedience at all. Punish, too, need to be able to.
Therefore, parents need to learn to restrain their emotions, and with a cold head approach this issue. After all, for you the most important thing is to teach the child to answer for their actions and deeds, and the anger and irritation of the parents in this matter are not the best helpers. So, how to punish a child?
First you need to remember that the punishment will be effective only when your baby understands the reason why he is being punished and admits his guilt. He must understand that he committed a bad deed and that is why he was punished. Therefore, choosing the method of punishment must necessarily take into account the age of your child.
After a year your kid still does not understand why his parents are punishing him. Even if he did something, he did it unconsciously. Understanding of one's own "I" in children develops only in 2-2.5 years, i.е.only at this age do they begin to realize that it was they who did something, for example, they broke the cup.
Therefore, children younger than 2-2.5 years simply do not make sense to punish, because all that the crumb will understand from your punishment is that parents do not like him. Older children, if they have done something bad, must be punished.
The most important thing is that the child should learn a lesson from your punishment, he should understand what he is being punished for and not to do it again.
The effectiveness of any punishment depends on the observance of several rules:
- Timeliness. You need to punish immediately, and not to postpone it for later. Small children have a vague idea of time. Therefore, if you punish a child in an hour, or when you arrive home, he will not even remember the reason for his punishment and will only be offended at you for injustice. The kid should understand the connection between his act and your punishment. For example, if he hit someone on the playground, then he should be told that you immediately go home because of his bad behavior.
- Clarification of the cause. It is very important for parents not to hurry with punishment, succumbing to emotions.First of all, you need to calmly find out from the child why he did this? Perhaps he did not want anything bad, but everything that happened is just an accident. Then there is nothing to punish him for.
- Proportionality. If your kid made some petty prank, then the punishment should not be too strict. Conversely, for serious misconduct must be punished to the fullest extent. Cruel punishment can traumatize the psyche of the child, and if the punishment is too soft, then he simply will not take it seriously. Therefore, you need to know when to stop.
- Explanation of the reason for the punishment. Before you punish your baby, explain to him why you are doing this. Make sure he understands everything. It is very important, during the explanation, to establish eye contact with the child and say together with him the reason for his punishment, then he will definitely not miss your remark by the ears and will remember for a long time that "this can not be done".
- Duration Do not punish the child for a long time, for example, for a week or more. Otherwise, he will forget about the reason for such a punishment the very next day, and there will be very little benefit from him.
- Establishment of uniform rules. This refers to the fact that you must explain to the child in advance what you can do and what not. All family members, both parents and grandparents should follow these rules.If there is no unity in the family about a certain issue, then your baby will simply get confused and will not listen to anyone.
- One punishment for many misdeeds. Punishment should always be one, even if your baby has done a lot of bad things. Never punish every perfect misdemeanor. Better choose a more severe punishment, but for all at once.
- Do not deprive of praise and the gift promised earlier. If your kid has done something wrong, but after that he has done something good, then he cannot be cheated by your praise. The same applies to earlier promises and gifts. If you promised a trip to the zoo, then in no case can not cancel it because of the misdemeanor of your child. Punish him in a different way, but go to the zoo anyway.
- Always evaluate the child’s behavior, not his personality. Children are very gullible and often susceptible to suggestion from others, especially as regards the words of their closest people. If the mother constantly repeats to the baby that he is bad, clumsy, etc., then very soon he will believe in it and will not behave differently. If the child is guilty, tell him not “you are bad,” but “you did a bad thing, and you can't do that.”
- Punish in private.If you are in a public place, it is best to stand aside with the child and discuss his behavior face to face. Punishing in public, you can seriously traumatize the psyche of your baby.
- Removal of guilt. After you have punished your baby, you never remember his past offenses. He must understand that after serving the punishment, he is removed from all the blame for what happened.
In addition, there are situations where the child should not be punished at all, even if he has done something.
So, it is better not to punish the child:
- if he is sick (in this state, when the psyche is very vulnerable, it is very difficult to predict his reaction to your punishment);
- after experiencing mental or physical trauma;
- when he eats;
- at bedtime or after sleep;
- if he fails, although he tries very hard;
- if you do not understand the true reasons for his behavior;
- if he is afraid of something;
- if you yourself are irritated or tired (otherwise the child may fall under your hot hand, and he will be punished unfairly).
You also can not punish children for their natural behavior. For example, if your baby ran, and then fell and got dirty.Children are very mobile and, of course, they can fall and get dirty. So do not blame them for it.
In addition, you can not punish if the baby exhibits natural curiosity. He only learns to know the world, and you should support him in every way in this, and not limit his desires.
Now let's talk about what are the penalties
- Scream. This method of punishment is the most common. Very often, parents, succumbing to their emotions, start yelling at the child for each of his offenses. This is their biggest mistake. Children very quickly get used to raised tones, and very soon they will simply not pay attention to your screams. It is best to save the cry in case your child will be in danger when you need to quickly attract his attention to stop his dangerous actions.
- Threats If you threaten your baby, then this threat must be realizable. For example, you scare him that Baba Yaga, Babayka or someone else’s uncle will come and take him away for bad behavior, but after a perfect misconduct the kid understands that nobody came to him, which means he has nothing to fear and can also be bad behave.The child simply ceases to believe all your threats and his behavior will not change.
- Ignore. You defiantly ignore the guilty child. For children of preschool age, this is a very serious punishment, as they very much need the love of their parents. If the mother is offended, the baby will try to attract attention to himself in every possible way. But to ignore him for a long time is also not worth it. If the baby has changed his behavior for the better, then immediately return to him the kindest and affectionate mother.
- Isolation. If the baby still does not want to calm down, then it should be isolated from you. Very often, children try to attract attention with various shouts and whims, but as soon as the object on which their actions are directed disappears from their appearance, they immediately calm down. Take the baby to another room where there are no toys, put him in a corner and let him think about his behavior there. Usually, the time allotted for such a punishment should be appropriate to the age of the child. If he is 3 years old, then he should stand in the corner for 3 minutes. Believe that for children restriction of their mobility is a serious punishment, and these 3 minutes will seem like an eternity to them.
- Labor punishment. It is designed for the child to correct what he has done. For example, we lit up - swept the floor, scattered toys - collected them. Do not punish washing dishes, cleaning, etc. Especially for a long time. Otherwise, your child will perceive any work around the house as a punishment, and will never help you with a pure heart.
- Deprivation of pleasure. This punishment does not harm your child in any way, but it will surely repel him of the desire to behave badly. For example, you can prohibit watching his favorite cartoon or deprive him of dessert.
- Physical punishment. This is the most dangerous method of punishment. Constant slaps and beatings with a belt can cause irreparable harm to the psyche of the child. He may become withdrawn or, conversely, too cruel and embittered. All that the child will understand from your punishment is that you are unfair to him, and that the strong is always right. And then he will start to drive all his anger to the weaker. The child will not be afraid to commit a bad deed, he will be afraid of punishment for him.
Disobedience of children sometimes puzzles parents. When choosing ways of punishment, you should always think about how this may affect your children? What lesson will they get? In no case can not humiliate children morally and physically.
At any age, your child is already a person, a person who must be respected. Your task, as parents, is to explain to him the norms of behavior, and gently guide him in the right direction. And most importantly, no matter what punishment you choose, the child should always know and feel that you love him anyway!
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