Where does the irritation come from?
At work or among the immediate environment there is a person who causes irritation. He didn’t touch you with a finger, but it’s scary. The manner of speaking or something special in behavior. Familiar picture? Let's look for reasons and understand.
To begin with, irritation is an unpleasant condition and, worse, a harmful one. Therefore, do not look for an excuse when you will once again experience a painful reaction to someone else. It's not a bad mood or retrograde Mercury.
“Anything that annoys others can lead to an understanding of oneself,” said Jung. And he was certainly right. Other people are mirrors for us. If you are touched by a person, then this is an excellent reason to consider new information about yourself. Well, for example, in childhood you were assured that it is once again bad to “stick out”. You grew timid and suppressed your own sense of activity and initiative. Think who annoys you now? Upstarts, activists, initiators and people with ambitions, right? Irritation does not occur from scratch. It is always our reaction to what we unknowingly prohibit ourselves.We or our parents. Through irritation, our repressed feelings are most often manifested. And they can be anything, anger or shame.
Why do we always notice any little things in others, but do not know how to look at ourselves from the outside? The reason for this is the imaginary image of a loved one and, of course, ideal in all respects. This is characteristic even of uncertain and quiet individuals (a paradox, but first of all). They sincerely believe that anyone is to blame, but not themselves. People by nature do not want to dig into their shortcomings and even more so to realize them. But the psyche is arranged in such a way that the more we don’t like something in ourselves, the more we don’t accept it and project it onto others.
It is more convenient to get angry at Vasya’s neighbor than at himself. And why is he always smiling? Here is a scoundrel!
Another reason for the incomprehensible irritation is envy. You don't really want to admit it, will you agree? And then, instead of admitting that we are trivially jealous of a successful friend, we begin to get angry at her. We take her sociability for ingratiation before others, and her mobility and ease of ascent - for recklessness and frivolity.Or, for example, we can easily deceive ourselves in our desires: engage in creativity, considering it something sublime, but in fact we want money and more mundane activities. We are afraid to admit to ourselves our own motives, thinking with stereotypical thinking or justifying other people's expectations.
There is one more reason why we lose our temper - this is our inability to work with our borders. We agreed to do something at work, for a relative or friend through force, we were terribly tired. And that's all. The process of irritation towards the “culprit” has been launched. Of course, you were forced to do something that you didn’t want at all. This will help the skill to say "no", so as not to suffer in the future and not to suppress themselves. Borders are our “home” and our security. They need to be protected and defended, and if it does not work out - try and introduce new behaviors into the habit.
Unfortunately, irritation may not be a situational reaction, but a personal well-established feature. It is characteristic of negative, self-centered and ill-mannered people. Here it is not a question of mirroring, but of banal contempt for the interlocutor, inability to listen and react with restraint.
And go to the favorite question: what to do?
First you need to admit to yourself that another source of irritation in the face of anyone is not guilty of anything and does not wish you harm. This truth works and frees us from negativity. The ideal option is to keep a diary, where you will describe in detail exactly what angered you in another person and how he should have acted, in your opinion. Thus, you will pull out feelings and emotions that may have been torturing you for a long time. Besides, you will estimate, and whether there is not in you the noticed bragging or hypocrisy. Just be extremely honest with you. Finding the cause of hostility, you will feel how the irritation will leave, and you will forget about it. If you accept your own shortcomings, then instantly "allow" them to be with others. And in general, calm down.
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